One of the hardest things to get used to in the U.S. is the loneliness, my friend told me at his party at a few years ago. He had moved to Maryland from Mexico as a teenager. Happily married and successful in his career, he’s the picture of the American dream.
Plaza Tapatia
At his party, my friend introduced me to his parents, siblings, aunts, and cousins. They were a gregarious group who knew how to enjoy life.
While my own extended family has similar gatherings, these are few and far between. Maybe we’ll all get together for a funeral or a wedding. But we’ve never come close socializing as much as my friend’s family.
Bafflement. This left me feeling somewhat baffled by his admission that he felt lonely.
It wasn’t until this summer when I visited Guadalajara that I began to understand what he meant.
As my family walked along the huge public squares in the middle of the city’s historic district, we observed families and couples sitting on park benches and spending time together.
When we headed uptown for a visit to El Parque Agua Azul–Guadalajara’s answer to Central Park– we saw parents playing with their small children and lovers kissing under a shady tree.
While it all seemed perfectly natural, it dawned on us that the scene was a sharp contrast to suburban USA.
Car Trips and Air-Conditioned Homes. At my neighborhood’s annual block party at the end of each summer, I’m always amazed at all of the people who live on my street who I hardly ever see. We’re all relaxing in our air-conditioned houses before our next car trip to work or our kids’ soccer games.
When it was time to leave Guadalajara, we took a cab to the bus station. Like every other cab driver we had met there, he knew much more about the U.S. than we knew about Mexico. He told us that his wife and teenage children were living with his mother outside of San Francisco. He was planning to join them in the next few months.
But he didn’t seem to be looking forward to it. “All there is in the U.S. is work,” he said. “We have more freedom here.”
on Sep 4th, 2009 at 12:08 am
I totally agree with what you write in your blog. I love visiting my parents in Tijuana, Mexico for this very same reason. We know all our neighbors and when we are not at home we run into people we know at the store, at a “mercado sobre ruedas”, at the gas station, etc. When I go to some stores the cashier always asks how my dad is doing and what is he up to. When my dad goes to some stores like the hardware store and I’m in a hurry I have to remind him, “PLEASE DON’T TALK TO EVERYBODY TODAY cause we gotta go.” Every outing is a social event.
on Sep 4th, 2009 at 2:46 am
Adriana, thanks for sharing that. I think this is an aspect of Mexico that not enough people know about. I can’t imagine having a problem talking to everyone too much at most of the stores I visit in the U.S.
on Sep 4th, 2009 at 7:07 am
That´s a great article. Until last year I lived for work related reasons for three years in San Antonio, TX and I was born and raised in Mexico City.
I have been back in Mexico for one full year now and let me tell you that even thou we have a truck load of problems in this city I am really happy to be back.
I think the key word in the article is loneliness.
Me. my wife and three children lived in a very nice area in a great apartment complex but I felt we were almost alone.
When we came across neighbors coming and going from their cars or the mail box, the only thing I got back from my greeting was an extremely shy or distrustful hi or even a grunt. and that is when I got a response.
(There were exceptions of course but mostly from hispanic people).
Where I live now we have barbecues (carne asada) with the neighbors almost every weekend and have become good friends with several diferent families.
I think that the overall feeling we got in the U.S. was that everybody is looking out for themselves with no regard at all to anything else so people tend to become very isolated in their own worlds, as you said, their air conditioned home or their air conditioned car.
Anyway, I enjoyed your article and just wanted to share my experience.
on Sep 4th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
Thanks for confirming what I was writing about. Your BBQs sound awesome.